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A Humble Apology

As a member of the Board of Governors and in the name of the editors of the Transactions of the Royal Martian Geographical Society, I must make a most humble and sincere apology to Her Majesty the Queen, His Royal Highness the Duke of York, members of the public and our Society, and anyone else who may have been offended by the article, "The Ecology of the Pushti Fruit," published in our last issue. You can be certain that the editors have been severely reprimanded by the Board of Governors for allowing the publication of such a scurrilous and unscholarly article.

As an amateur botanist myself, I was astounded by the temerity of Mr. Smalls at even suggesting such things about the Pushti monkey. Anyone who has studied Martian botany knows of my good friend Dr. Havelly's work on the symbiotic relationship between the Pushti tree and Pushti monkey. I can state unequivocally that Mr. Neville Smalls is neither a botanist nor a zoologist, but merely a rogue and a cad. That he should try to pass off such delusions as science is utterly preposterous.

Further, it is extremely unlikely that Mr. Smalls even observed Pushti Monkey behavior at all. The Right Honorable Jason Ebert, Baronet, acknowledged giving Mr. Smalls permission to observe the Pushti Monkeys on his estate. However, after having Mr. Smalls escorted from the estate on several occasions for inappropriate behavior involving the female servants, the Baronet informed him that under no circumstance was he to return. Perhaps Mr. Smalls spent too much time under the hot Martian sun and the heat addled his brain allowing such lascivious thoughts to creep in. Mayhaps this is the true origin of Mr. Smalls' unfounded and inappropriate conclusions about Pushti monkey biology.

Be assured that the editors of Transactions and the Board of Governors of the Society will redouble our efforts to prevent the repetition of this most unfortunate incident.

With humble and sincere apologies,

Sir Audrey Somersby Haithornewaite
Board of Governors
Royal Martian Geographical Society

Posted Monday, 04-May-2009 19:50:48 EDT